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October 26, 2006
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Yukino had never really noticed the small, compacted sushi restaurant that sat between the two towering apartment buildings. Every Sunday morning, Yukino walked down past the apartments and the restaurant, wearing her Sunday best. Although she never planned to go anywhere specific, she enjoyed the brisk morning walks. The walks were a beloved past time of hers, ever since she had started her university career last month. Today, Yukino sported a white dress with a light blue floral pattern, with a white hat tied with a silk ribbon to match. As she passed the sushi restaurant, she took a look inside through the window. Smiling, she then continued on with her walk, thinking to herself that it might be fun to eat there later that day.

During her walk, Yukino went all about town, looking throughout all the stores and the public parks found within the city. Being unfamiliar with the place, Yukino soon lost track of the time, and quickly rushed home late that night. However, before she could return back to her university dorm room, the wind picked up and a heavy sheet of rain cascaded down from the once-clear sky. It was raining hard; the drops of water stinging Yukino’s face and the swift wind chilling her to the bone. She looked around the empty streets, looking for anywhere that had some cover from the cold wind, or at least from the brutal rain. There was a light a little ways away from her; it was coming from the sushi restaurant.

She stepped into the restaurant, the door ringing with an airy chime, and pulled off her soaking wet hat. Grumbling to herself, Yukino strained the freezing rain out of her dress. A voice called out to her from the kitchen: “Excuse me miss, but we’re closed.”

The voice was polite, yet seemed somewhat annoyed. A young man stepped out of the kitchen, wiping his hands on the apron he wore around himself.

Yukino replied, “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know. It’s just that there’s a terrible storm out there, and I…well, would it be alright if I stayed here, please? Only until the storm stops?” Yukino shifted from one foot to the other, her shoes filled with rainwater, as she nervously straightened her wet hair out of her face.

The man looked at Yukino and smiled. “I suppose…” he said, “I suppose I can let you stay. Would you like anything to eat?” At that, he motioned towards one of the tables, and pulled out a chair for her to sit.

Yukino was about to take a step forward, but stopped. She felt embarrassed; she was soaking wet in a fancy dress, and she felt as if she were imposing on this man’s kindness. She shook her head with a quiet, “No thank you.”

The man answered, somewhat in a disappointed tone, “Ah…I see.” However, after a moment’s silence, the smile crept back onto his face. Bowing, he said, “Ah, where are my manners? My name is Toshi. And may I ask for this lovely lady’s name?”

Blushing at the compliment, Yukino replied, “My name is Yukino. Nice to meet you, Toshi.”

The restaurant door began to open as she was ending her sentences, the bell slightly shaking back and forth. Yukino and Toshi turned towards the door. Pushing it open was a set of long, skinny fingers. The rest of the customer’s body entered the restaurant.

The customer was something you’d expect out of a fairy tale. Extremely tall, the customer stood well over nine feet. As ill proportioned as his height, he was also incredibly thin, his neck no thicker than Yukino’s thumb, and his waist smaller than her wrist. The customer was dressed in a pitch black tuxedo, with a top hat adding to his already ridiculous height. But the strangest feature of the customer was his face. Perfectly spherical, the customer had two pinpoint, black dots for eyes, and a grin that spread clear across his pure, white face. Inside his mouth were numerous sharp, daggered teeth. Without a single drop of rain on him, the customer looked around the restaurant.

“Good evening Toshi. I don’t suppose you’re serving…who is she?” the customer asked, pointing a slender finger at Yukino. “My, what a lovely little lady! She looks…utterly delicious!” he said, as he staggered up to her.

At first, Yukino took it as a compliment; however, she quickly stepped back after hearing Toshi call out from the kitchen, “Okage, she’s not here to be eaten; I’m preparing something else for you tonight.”

Okage, the customer, apparently answering to his name, called to the back of the kitchen. “Oh? Then what is she?”

Toshi poked his head out of the kitchen and replied casually, “She’s a guest.”

Okage turned to look at Yukino. The grin on his face had suddenly turned to frown. Still bearing his teeth however, Okage began to shake violently. “A guest!? I am Okage, the Demon King!!! I will not dine with a mere human!!!” With that, his black pupils began to grow. Eventually, the pools of darkness enveloped his entire head. What used to be his face was now a bubbling abyss of black fluids, dripping down onto the floor. Hissing, the black liquids ate away at the tiles, as Okage leapt towards Toshi in a frenzied stagger. “A human, Toshi!? These filthy humans dine at your restaurant in the daytime; but once it is night, your restaurant belongs to us spirits! Your restaurant belongs to me!!!”

Toshi stood his ground, with a slightly irritated look on his face, as if he had often dealt with complaining customers. By now, Yukino’s legs had collapsed underneath her, as she shook with fear. Spirits!? Demon Kings!? What…what is this!? What have I gotten myself into!? Yukino thought, as she watched Okage’s face sprout arms from the messy, putrid fluid. The arms slowly reached for Toshi’s neck, but before they could, Yukino stood up with a sudden courage.

“Stop! Don’t hurt Toshi! I’ll…I’ll go. The storm’s letting up anyways!”

Toshi turned with surprise, and eventually, Okage’s head slowly and jerkily turned towards Yukino. The black liquid began to shrink, compacting itself back into the spots where it once represented eyes.

There was a short silence, as Yukino walked towards the door. However, Toshi spoke out as she was about to pushed it open, “Wait! Yukino, it’s still dangerous out there! Okage, I‘m sure a gentleman, such as yourself, would not send a young lady out into a storm?”

Okage stared at Yukino. Clearing his throat, the Demon King straightened his glossy, smooth bowtie. Yukino stood in front of the door, her hand on the handle, unsure whether she should leave or not. There was a long silence, as Okage pulled down his top hat, flipped it over, and with a light tap, poured out a large amount of the black muck. Clearing his throat once more, Okage answered, “Very well. It may stay.” Choosing the table furthest away from Yukino, Okage sat down, calling out, “Toshi, get me some onigiri and some kappamaki.”

Yukino called out with a huff, “This it has a name, you know! My name is Yukino!”

With the same jerky motions from before, Okage turned his head towards her. Grinning, he countered with a quip, “It’s not that I don’t know your name human, it’s that I don’t care.”

Yukino, either no longer afraid of the demon or too blind with rage, stormed up to Okage’s table. Slamming her hands onto the surface, she shouted, “Listen you! You are very rude! For a king, you really are a brat!”

Okage stared at Yukino’s intense eyes, and his grin quickly turned to furious frown. Toshi poked his head out the kitchen a second time with another look of fear on his face. In a single moment, Okage erupted from out of his chair in a sea of raging black fluids that seemed to spark like fire. He had completely lost his original shape, now an amorphous shadow that glowed with a bloodthirsty red. Two small slits of white fire had replaced his eyes, and a mouth with fangs that dripped disgustingly had appeared on what seemed to be his face. Blue and white flames spewed out of his mouth, heating the room in an instant. Yukino stood her ground and showed no signs of fear, even though she could feel the flames lick at her face. They were hot, but did not burn her.

Okage spoke, his voice now raspy and echoing throughout her mind, “Ungrateful worm!!!” He lunged at Yukino, mouth opened wide, eager to swallow her whole. However, before he could reach her, she picked up a small bowl off of the table, and chucked it casually into the raging demon’s mouth. Okage stopped, his mouth inches above Yukino’s head. His eyes widened and the flames within his mouth were quickly extinguished. Smoke escaped his mouth in black clouds, as he screamed in pain, “Human, what have you done to me!?”

Yukino crossed her arms against her chest, and replied matter-of-factly, “Wasabi. How’s it taste?”

Screaming, the Demon King flipped over the tables and chairs, hurling them in random directions as he crashed into the kitchen room in search of water. Toshi ran from the room, his apron sailing from the sudden rush. Looking around, Toshi ran up to Yukino, who remained unmoved. “Are…are you alright?” he asked. Yukino nodded, still staring in the direction of the doorway to the kitchen. Things went silent.

After a moment of absolute stillness, something moved from inside the kitchen. There was a noise of something shuffling across the floor, bumping into pots and pans. Long legs and all, Okage stepped out from the doorway. Although he was back to his original form, his clothes were tattered and ripped; his neatly tucked dress shirt had been stained black and was pulled out, and his top hat no longer stood straight and tall. And like his hat, Okage slumped along the floor, his face filled with stubborn annoyance.

The Demon King slowly staggered towards Yukino. Looking down at her, face to face, he asked, “You’re not afraid of me, are you?”

Yukino nodded. Okage quickly turned on his heels, cleared his throat, and announced, “Obviously, I do not want you here. And, as I have should expect, you don’t want me here either.” Spinning his head around in a complete 180 degrees to face Yukino, Okage continued, “Therefore, how shall we deal with one another? You will not leave, and I will most certainly not go, so what do you suppose we shall do to settle this? An eating contest, perhaps?” Okage suggested, as he pretended to yawn, stretching his mouth wide enough to easily engulf Yukino. “Or maybe…”

Yukino interrupted the demon’s thoughts as she declared, “Who said I wanted you to leave?”

Okage shut his mouth, and turned towards the tiny human who had turned his night into a living hell. He eyed her suspiciously, and then asked, “What do you mean?”

She thought for a moment, and then smiled. “At first, I came here to get out of the rain, but the situation’s changed. I think I would rather like to eat here tonight, and I could use some company. What do you say, Okage?”

Okage had never met anyone who was not afraid of him; at least, not any human. What surprised him even more however, was the fact that anyone could actually consider a demon king as “company.” Perhaps…perhaps he too, would like some company. Grinning, Okage announced, “Fine, but you’re paying the bill.”

Yukino laughed, as she called out, “Toshi, may I order an inari-zushi? Oh, and Toshi, please eat with us as well! And Okage, help me with the table, please?”

Yukino and Okage picked up an upturned table and placed a set of chairs around it. Wiping off the black liquid and spray of condiments, the two of them sat down.

Toshi arrived later with the sushi and the rolls. After placing them down in their respective places, Toshi sat down next to Yukino. Okage reached for a pair of chopsticks, unevenly breaking them down the middle with a hushed curse. And Yukino sat comfortably in her chair, watching her newfound friends sitting beside her. She thought quietly of how a mere rainfall and a slight breeze had caused her to stumble into a sushi restaurant for spirits and demons. Smiling to herself, she realized that simple things weren’t always what they seemed.

“Itadakimasu.”
A story that I came up with for my Creative Writing class. I'm thinking of submitting it into the school's art and literature book, but it feels kind of amateurish. I just thought I'd stick it up here to hear what others think. Feel free to comment and/or critique. I have other stories I'd like to submit, but I'll stick those up later...maybe.

UPDATE: Hey! My story got published into our school's magazine of the arts, The Portal. Thanks everyone for the critiques and for reading my story!
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:iconxxxmangamangoxxx:
XxXmangamangoXxX Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2008
Lol, this is great :D
Oooooh...Okage? Like the game? XD;;
(Theres a game called okage:shadow king, and your character would fit in well with it XD.)
I saw the comic version and both are great! :D
Though I wouldn't like to meet Mr.Okage in a dark alley at night XD
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:iconnina-was-here:
nina-was-here Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2007  Student Artist
hunh...this was worth reading. i never read stories on deviantart. im too lazy. but i like this
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:iconkyoushikyoku:
Kyoushikyoku Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2007
Thank you very much! I ocassionally like to read on deviantART, but most of the time I'm too lazy as well! I'm glad you liked this though. ^^

And thank you for the favorite!
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:iconnina-was-here:
nina-was-here Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2007  Student Artist
:glomp: lol, yeah, i loved it.

are you oriental? sorry, i had to ask...you dont have to tell me
i'm vietnamese for the record. :3
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:iconkyoushikyoku:
Kyoushikyoku Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2007
Wow, thanks a lot! I appreciate it, and I'm happy you enjoyed it! ^^

Why yes, I am. Part Vietnamese, and part Chinese. But I also can speak Japanese.
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:iconnina-was-here:
nina-was-here Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2007  Student Artist
so, your bilingual?(sp??)


all i can speak (other than english) is vietnamese. lol
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:iconkyoushikyoku:
Kyoushikyoku Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2007
Well, not really. I'm currently taking Japanese classes, so I'm not technically considered fluent. And I can only understand Vietnamese, but I don't speak it very well. And I may be Chinese...but I only know how to say "hello" in Mandarin! ^^ ;;;
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:iconnina-was-here:
nina-was-here Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2007  Student Artist
lol, your a super asian. j//p, japanese classes, huh? are they actual classes or online classes?
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:iconkyoushikyoku:
Kyoushikyoku Featured By Owner Mar 28, 2007
Yeah, I'm a super Asian. xD

Anyways, they're actual classes, taught by a real person from Japan. It's a pretty interesting class. ^^
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(1 Reply)
:iconryous-lil-hentai:
Ryous-lil-Hentai Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2006
heh i enjoyed this alot

but, the only thing that bothered me were these sentences:

"The customer was dressed in a pitch black tuxedo, with a top hat adding to his already ridiculous height. But the most strange feature of the customer was his face."

in the first sentence, you really didn't to put "already" in the part, "...adding to his already ridiculous height."

also, the second sentence seems a bit werid to me but that's only my opinion. it may be right but still, it seems to not be worded correctly...heh

other than that, i liked it. nice twist in the ending!
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:iconkyoushikyoku:
Kyoushikyoku Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2006
Thank you. I'm glad you liked it. ^^

Now that you've pointed those sentences out, they do sound a little funny. I'm thinking that the "most strange" should be changed to the "strangest." That would sound better, wouldn't it?

Thanks for the comments and critiques. I appreciate it. (:
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:iconryous-lil-hentai:
Ryous-lil-Hentai Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2006
welcome! =3

And I think that that does sound better; less words and correct grammar =3.

And your welcome once more =33.
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:iconebooeboo:
eBooeBoo Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2006
Grarrggg those grarrrrg stupid face grraaarrrg making errors!!! GRARG!
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:iconkyoushikyoku:
Kyoushikyoku Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2006
That's why you've got to click the "Preview" button first to see if you made any stupid faces. XD
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:iconebooeboo:
eBooeBoo Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2006
Wait, now that I properly *re-read* myself, I wasn't kidding about your story being good. I was kidding about me having higher expectations. Capisce?

MAN I feel like an idiot now. Thanks a lot for making me feel like an idiot, K-man >=(

....hehehe....
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:iconkyoushikyoku:
Kyoushikyoku Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2006
Sure you weren't kidding about my story. SURE. XD

I'm just kidding! I know you didn't mean that; in fact, I didn't even think it sounded like you were kidding about my story being good. XD

Aww...poor Sarah. I'm sorr--err...you're welcome. XP
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:iconebooeboo:
eBooeBoo Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2006
Wow, you wrote better than I expected----I mean, you wrote good. I mean, you wrote well. XD Just kidding, K-man.

After reading Fari's comment, I was like: "K-man?!? That's awesome!!" So I'm going to call you K-man from now on.

I also agree with Diana. I think Okage was too submissive to this Yukino character. I mean, who does Yukino think she is?! I think she should fall into a well and get attacked by The Bird Influenza! Grargg! That would show her!

.....As you can see, I don't really like Yukino. Sorry if it was based on someone you like/know; I just have a bad feeling about her. I think she's going to use Okage to her advantage and take over the world--World Domination!

Heyyy...that sounds sort of like Dianaahhh...
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:iconkyoushikyoku:
Kyoushikyoku Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2006
Ha, thank you. But I think I'm getting worse and worse at writing...! ^^ ;;;

K-man doesn't sound like a nickname at all...it sounds more like a superhero. XP

Yeah, I've changed the story a bit near the end of it. I didn't want to change the over all theme of the story however, and I didn't want to leave the reader with Okage and Yukino still fighting with each other, or with Okage eating her...so instead, I just made him go through a little more yelling and threatening. I also wrote a little about why Okage finally gave in. Anyways, thanks for the comments.

Really? Hmm...you don't have to worry about it; Yukino's not based on anyone I know. Most of my characters are purely fictional/original. Anyways, I didn't mean to make her unlikeable...and I DEFINITELY did not mean to make it seem like she was after world domination! XD

Indeed...it does seem like Diana. Diana and her sewer water fantasies... O_o;;;
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:iconember-snow:
ember-snow Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2006  Hobbyist General Artist
Corrections are made in bold font.

"However, before she could return back to her university dorm room, the wind picked up and a heavy sheet of rain cascaded down from the once-clear sky."

"She looks…utterly delicious!” he said, as he walked up to her." <---(I say use a more interesting word for the word, "walk." Like stride, or something...)

"Yukino, either no longer afraid of the demon or too blind with rage, stormed up to Okage’s table."

"Okage stared at Yukino’s intense eyes, and his grin quickly turned into a humiliated frown. Toshi poked his head from out of the kitchen a second time with another look of surprise on his face."

"'Demon Kings could use friends too, right?'" <--- (No apostrophe after the "g" in "kings.")

I think it's really good, but, at the end, she acts too familiar with them. That's not very polite in Japan, is it?

The customer reminds me of Jack Skellington. :D Good luck, Junni, this is really good! Your stories always seem to amaze me. [And yeah, this is like a Hayao Miyazaki story, as others have also pointed out.] I hope my constructive criticism and corrections has helped you (sorry, this looks like an essay)!! Great job, Junni! :+favlove:
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:iconkyoushikyoku:
Kyoushikyoku Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2006
Thanks Denny. I made the changes; thanks for correcting the errors. (:

I suppose so, but who said this was Japan? Anyways, thanks for pointing that out, perhaps I'll change it a bit.

Ha ha, when I was creating the customer I was thinking about the servants to that witch in "Howl's Moving Castle." But I can see that Jack Skellington is a close match too! And thanks for the favorite. ^^
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:iconember-snow:
ember-snow Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2006  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome. :3

Oh. I figured it was... "Itadakimasu," "sushi," Japanese names.... It seemed like it took place in Japan! Okay, good luck.

Ohhh, I see! :) Cool. You're welcome.
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:iconkyoushikyoku:
Kyoushikyoku Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2006
To tell you the truth, I'm not sure if I meant for it to seem like Japan or not. XP

And thanks for the good luck. (:
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:iconember-snow:
ember-snow Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2006  Hobbyist General Artist
Hm...

You're welcome.
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:iconember-snow:
ember-snow Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2006  Hobbyist General Artist
**"However, before she could return back to her university dorm room, the wind picked up and a heavy sheet of rain cascaded down from the once-clear sky." <--Add a hyphen between "once" and "clear." =]
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:icontiuni:
Tiuni Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2006  Professional Filmographer
I think it was really well written; there were one or two errors here and there, but it's just like you were missing an "o" or you forgot to delete something. xD

Anyway, I was quite amused with the story, and it reminded me much of the same plots as Hayao Miyazaki. My only complaint is the character Okage; if I was a demon king, I wouldn't take any crap from some human. Yukino shouldn't have been able to win him over so easily after all the hub-bub.

All in all, good job. :D
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:iconkyoushikyoku:
Kyoushikyoku Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2006
Thanks; I'll have to check through my work to find those errors. Is it possible that you remember any specific parts?

Yeah, I was actually inspired to write this because of Hayao Miyazaki. But I also noticed (as I reread it) that the ending seemed kind of hurried and there wasn't very much transition. Unfortunately, the submissions have a word limit, so I kind of had to end it quickly (therefore, resorting to the "easy win"). I'm planning on lengthening it a bit though, and I'll definitely work on that part. Thanks for the comment. (:
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:icontiuni:
Tiuni Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2006  Professional Filmographer
I believe one of them was in your tenth paragraph, and you wrote "Pushing the it open was a set of long, skinny fingers." I think that was it. ^^
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:iconkyoushikyoku:
Kyoushikyoku Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2006
Ah, right! I caught that just as I was turning in my paper...! XD

Thanks Banana, I'll have that changed.
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:icontiuni:
Tiuni Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2006  Professional Filmographer
Let's not go over this discussion again. D<
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:iconkyoushikyoku:
Kyoushikyoku Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2006
What discussion? O_o ;;;
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:icontiuni:
Tiuni Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2006  Professional Filmographer
EXACTLY.
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:iconkyoushikyoku:
Kyoushikyoku Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2006
EXACTLY what? Seriously, I'm clueless here. O_o;;;
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(1 Reply)
:iconanime-otakuu:
anime-otakuu Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2006
Odd.. the end seemed more detailed.. but rushed.. the first part was long.. but not so detailed =0
[I'm not a writer, so I may not quite give you the best critique XD;]that's how I see it anyways pretty cool nonetheless =3
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:iconkyoushikyoku:
Kyoushikyoku Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2006
Hmm...I thought so too. Because the submissions have a limit to how long they can be, I kind of had to cut it a bit short. Perhaps I can add a little more to it...?

Anyways, thank you for the critique and compliment. And I'm sure you must be a good writer yourself. (:
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:iconanime-otakuu:
anime-otakuu Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2006
I figured as much =0 considering I'm entering an art piece to that book... this should do fine.. you can try adding

O_o; If "good" means that I know how to besmirch the English language and demolish all grammar structure... Then yes, I am "good" XD

youre welcome =D
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:iconkyoushikyoku:
Kyoushikyoku Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2006
Ah, that's cool! I figured you'd put something in there. Too bad I'm not in charge of the art submissions (I'm chief-editor of Fiction); I'd put your artwork in there instantly! But I'm sure you'll get in there. I just have to find something I can submit into there...

Ah, come one, don't be so hard on yourself. You're passing English, aren't you? I don't think you could pass English by "besmirching" the English language. XD
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:iconanime-otakuu:
anime-otakuu Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2006
XD I'd rather earn my way in though =D Cheif editor K-man! Awesomeness >D good luck with finding that writing to put in =3

You'd be surprised how I can besmirch the english language and still pass it o_o;
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:iconkyoushikyoku:
Kyoushikyoku Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2006
You're still calling me "K-man"? XD

Anyways, thanks. Good luck to you too; I hope you get in. ^^

Really? Well, surprise me. XD
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:iconanime-otakuu:
anime-otakuu Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2006
Duh, nicknames just dont come and go D= they stick on you even if its not remembered =D They STAY YOU HEAR?! STAAAYYY D=

well, you'd have to look at my essay for that XD;
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:iconkyoushikyoku:
Kyoushikyoku Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2006
Well...I've had many nicknames before, and they've come and gone. XP

Heh, well, show me one of your essays one of these days. XD
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